Friday Funny

FF weekend cats

Enjoy the ride.

Happy long weekend to those of you pulling the Monday through Friday thing!  What do you have on tap for this long weekend?  Perhaps racing in the Happiest Place on Earth?  Fighting gators during your weekend triathlon?  Whatever you have planned, may you enjoy every second of the next few days celebrating in a completely pointless life.  See ya summer!

Yes, it’s really a race recap! Sort of…

I know this probably doesn’t sound like any big thing, but keep in mind I haven’t been much of a race girl while getting #brokeknees 1 and 2 fixed.

ice knee1

Don’t miss this nonsense!

Even though I’m not completely pain-free – and knew going into surgery that I may never be again – I have been able to accommodate my somewhat finicky joints.  In other words, keep the pain level to a minimum.  I can run.  Like the whole turtle though peanut butter kind of runs at the moment, but I’m okay with that.  I just keep telling myself the speed will come.  Maybe.  Hopefully.  It’s okay if it doesn’t because I really love peanut butter.

peanut butter turtles

After the fiasco that was the announcement of the new – and big steaming pile of dogpoop of a decision regarding Wine and Dine 2016 – I knew I had to get myself a proof of time to submit by August.  I knew I wouldn’t have enough time to properly train for a half after surgery #2, my old times were just that – too old – so a 10k it would have to be.  And if you live in south Florida, you’re basically screwed.

“Welcome to the Land of All Things 5k.  Because our attention span won’t last long enough for anything longer.”

serious grumpy cat

You suck south Florida…

Thanks to the utter lack of 10k opportunities, I bit the bullet and went with the Down2Earth cross-country series that goes all summer long, with this particular race being held at John U. Lloyd State Park.  Added benefit: they also run a 5k at the same time, so the hubby agreed to suffer right along with me.  What concerned me?  The whole CROSS COUNTRY part.  I haven’t run cross-country since high school.  The hubs has NEVER done cross country jaunts.  This should prove to be interesting, if not entirely life-threatening.

scaredy cat

Not you again…..

If you’re supremely bored and happen to go to the race website, you’ll see our race was held at a lovely sounding location known to locals as Dania Beach.  BEACH.  As in SAND.  LOTS OF FRIGGIN’ SAND.

sand1

Bobcat paw prints included at no additional cost.

Being the wise old runner that I am, (you can stop choking now), I figured it would probably be a good move to at least go down to the park before race day and figure out what the course would be.  You see, there’s only beach, access road, and parking lot.  That’s it.  Intracoastal waterway on one side, and the Atlantic on the other.  So on a balmy Sunday morning, the hubs and I drag our dupas out of bed, loaded up the cooler, and headed on down the road.  We managed to stop one of the park rangers to see if he knew where the course would be.  After all, he IS the park ranger.  If anyone would know, he would.  Right?  Yeahhhhhhh, not so much.  He gave us his best guess and we just flew with it.  Right onto the paw print marked sand as you see here.  I can honestly say I have never cursed so much at one race location in my entire life.  I think the bobcats have permanently vacated the area after hearing what was coming out of this girl’s yap.

It was a good thing we took the morning to do this though, as a couple of weeks later, we were as ready as we could be for more than a few miles in the sand.  The race field was very small, no more than 30-40 runners for both distances combined.  Race directions were simple:  run along the beach access road until you see the yellow tape, run around the tape, then run back to the start.  5k runners go once, 10k runners go twice.  All right, we can handle that.  It’s hot as hell, no breeze, typical south Florida summer humidity, nothing we’re not used to.  We all line up at the start, laugh about how many of us are going to die, gun goes off, and off we go. Into the wild sandy yonder.

The hubs knew I was running for time so he wished me luck and off I went.  Knowing that pacing was going to be a big factor, I did my best to keep the jitters under control and not go out too fast which I excel at doing.  Mistake #1, thinking there would be a water station at the turnaround 1.5 miles out.  Let me just stay this:  every race I have EVER done had a water station around the 1-2 mile mark.  EVERY ONE.  This one?  Not so much.  I got up to the turnaround, saw nothing but stupid yellow tape, and proceeded to say things that made the local snakes drop dead in mid slither.

WHO THE HELL DOESN’T GIVE YOU A WATER STATION AT THE TURNAROUND POINT ON A BEACH RUN???  Oh, wait…..

stooge

This stooge, that’s who.

Now, I put this one all on me.  I should’ve known better when my previous contact with the race director asking if there was going to be a water stop was met with complete silence. Definitely on me.  Lesson learned.  Moving on.

I passed the hubs on the way back and told him of the unfortunate circumstance and warned him that I think I had inadvertently killed a snake with my vocal venom.

“There’s no water at the turnaround.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“I’m a monkey’s friggin’ uncle.”

(We have a special relationship.)

Thankfully, after the final half mile back to the start in the softest sand you could imagine – and mind you this was just at the end of the first loop – they at least had water set up at the start line.  After stopping long enough to gulp down a couple of cups and throw a couple more over my head, off I went for Hell in the Sand part 2.  Which was pretty uneventful and much like Hell in the Sand part 1.  Pretty views of the ocean, lizards looking at us humans like we were nuts – guess they call it like they see it – and for the most part, completely by myself.  Race support?  Non-existent.  (Good thing no one dropped of heatstroke out there, they’d have been screwed).  So I just kept my head down, stopped freaking out over the ugly times I kept seeing on the trusty watch, and thanked the runner gods that the hubs had enough functioning brain cells to fill a bottle he had with water and toss it to me as I passed him for the second time on my way back out.

flashdance-9201.large

Yes, it felt THAT good.  Don’t judge me.

I managed to trudge back out to the turnaround, back through what beautiful little shade there actually was on the access road, out the to hellacious sugar sand along the beach, and finally made the final turn for the promised land.  About 300 yards from the finish, the hubs was standing on the side so I tossed him my iPod, turned on the after burners and hit the line still in an upright position.  I was hoping for a 60 minute finish time, but considering the terrain, I would have been happy to finish in 75.

Imagine my surprise, and somewhat sweaty delight, when I was told I had actually finished in 64 minutes, and good enough for 2nd place female! (Which sadly, once the results were posted on the website I was bumped down to 3rd place, but hell, I’LL TAKE IT!)

June 18 race1.jpg

(Smiling thinking about the post-race margarita.)

So here’s my takeaway from the Down2Earth 5 and 10k Cross-Country Run:

  1.   Ability to see the course online prior to race day – zip
  2.   Questioned answered by race director prior to race day – dog poop
  3.   On course race support – nada
  4.   Would I do it again? – perhaps

Here’s why that last one isn’t a flat out no.  I found out afterwards this was the first time this race was held at this location.  Normally they’re put on at Oleta State Park in Miami.  I’ve taken my bike there a few times and the park trails are CONSIDERABLY more runner friendly than at John U. Lloyd.  I got the impression when the race director was telling us about the races at Oleta, and proceeded to wave his hand at the sand and say “there’s no running in this kind of crap at Oleta”, that he wasn’t happy about the conditions either.  The only hangup for us?  Lloyd Park is only about a half hour away from our humble abode.  Oleta is a little more than an hour.  And in Miami.  MIAMI.  Trust me, not NEARLY as glamorous and these guys made it look.

The ending of the story?  I got my proof of time for Disney.  I got to run a race again, with the hubs.  I haven’t been able to do that in years.  Neither of us died.  I got a medal.  I know now that I have the verbal ability to scare away bobcats and shock snakes to death with my vocal venom.  ALL GOOD THINGS.

June 18 medal1

The aches and pains we felt over the next few days in places that neither of us knew we could be achy and painy from running in the sand?  Well.  That’s a story for another day.

Enjoy the ride.

 

Have you ever been disappointed with support at a race?  Have you ever done an entire race in the sand?  What are the worst conditions you’ve ever tun in?

Friday Funny

As we get the summer off to a proper start, i.e., paddleboard bar hopping,  passing out under the nearest palm tree, and playing with critters like this!

FF Shark cage

Enjoy the ride

.

Are we all ready for the start of the national holiday we celebrate here at Black Dog Productions known as Shark Week?  Do you think sharks are evil or just completely misunderstood?  Have you ever been on a shark dive?

Wonder Mutt Wednesday

Because sometimes it’s exhausting entertaining the hoomans…..

images

This is exhausting…..

Enjoy the ride.

Ever wonder what it’s like to be your dog?  How tiring it is to find the perfect spot to nap or just the right place to poo?  Or even understand what your darn people are talking about when they say get off the couch?

Friday Funny

FF Vacay Cat

Enjoy the ride.

Who do you think has a better time on vacation – you or the critters?  Do you take said critters on vacation with you, or do you leave them to their own devices?  Have you ever received a call from your local police department regarding a ruckus at your residence while you were away on vacation?  Did it end up with someone being grounded from going outside or belly rubs while lying on the couch with you?

Wonder Mutt Wednesday

In honor of the upcoming dog days of summer, we’d like to welcome you to the Wonder Mutt’s game plan for dealing with the heat.

Ahhhhh......

Ahhhhh……

Enjoy the ride.

How does your mutt deal with the heat?  Plopping themselves unceremoniously in the nearest puddle?  Scaring the wildlife by jumping into any and every pond, lake or stream?  Donning a floppy sun hat and summoning the cabana boy for another iced bowl of water?

Friday Funny

Oh yes……

FF bathing suit

Enjoy the ride.

Who’s with me?  Does even just the thought of putting on a bathing suit fill you with feelings of dread, anxiety, waves of nausea and the sudden need to see if you can suck the fat cells out of your thighs with a vacuum cleaner?  Or is that just me?

Friday Funny

As we are in full summer swing down here in the tropics, I thought it only appropriate to post a Black Dog Public Service Announcement.  You’re welcome.

FF Summer bacon

 

Enjoy the ride.

Have you ever seen bacon on the beach?  Or perhaps, turned into one?  Do you consider bacon an essential food group?

Some “Alternate” Ideas on How To Run Cool

By now I think it’s safe to say you guys know my brain is somewhat, shall we say…off.  I usually start out with good intentions, but then one of those game show dollar machine thoughts in my head starts whipping around at light speed and I am powerless to make it stop.

Said dollars starting whipping around after I read a multitude of very helpful posts about keeping yourself cool when running during the summer months.  I myself had planned on throwing in my two cents on the subject as well.  Then…BOOM! That dollar just smacked me right up side the head.  Hard.

Ouch!

Ouch!

So time for the disclaimer thingie: The following ideas have absolutely no scientific basis behind them.  They are products of my brain cells and my brain cells ONLY.  I definitely do NOT recommend them, but if you so choose to do so , then it’s all on YOU.  And your insurance company.  Not mine.  It sucks anyway.  You wouldn’t get a thing.  But I will send you a carton of Moose Tracks.  Just because.

Moving on.

Cool running

1.  Hydration:The popular opinion on being properly hydrated is to make sure you drink plenty of fluids both prior to and during your run.  I absolutely agree.  With one small difference.  Since many runners also suffer from a loss of salt during their runs, resulting in those lovely white stains on your hats and bandannas, and evidenced by excessive canine licking of said runners limbs, might I suggest a margarita?  Preferably with a well-salted rim.  Carbs? Check.  Thank you sugar-laden margarita mix. Sodium? Check.  Thank you big, chunky margarita salt.  Fluid? Well, duh.  It IS something you drink after all…

glugluglug

glugluglug

2. Run early in the morning:  Anyone who knows this Black Dog, knows I am your classic morning hater who’s pretty much useless much before 10am.  That being said, if you follow the above listed hydration suggestion, it’s a good possibility that come 2-3am, you’re still up.  So getting in an EXTRA early morning run will be easily accomplished.  You’ll actually be getting double running duty in as you can even count it as a run from the previous night AND an early morning run for the following day!  Follow my logic here?  Don’t worry if you don’t – you’re hardly alone.  The only downfall is if you’ve been diligently hydrating, you may find both direction and balance a bit challenging.  BUT, on the bright side, you probably won’t feel any pain should you stumble into any suddenly appearing light poles that – like you said – really WEREN’T there the night before.

Aspirin, anyone?

Oh, my head….

3.  Wear light-colored, lightweight clothing: Great idea!  Maybe.  Depends on whether or not said meeting with aforementioned light pole results in capillary injury.  In other words, how easily will the blood wash out?  You may want to make sure you have a ready supply of Shout or other stain removing items on hand.  Or just buy dark colors.  Red perhaps.

red-shirt-711680

Nope. Don’t see a thing.

4.  Show some skin: Well.  Hmmmmm.  This can be a double-edged sword.  The last thing you want to see, (and the last thing I want to show), is more skin.  Now, I’m a firm believer in if you got it, flaunt it.  ‘Cause you ain’t gonna have it very long.  But trust me – this Black Dog is NOT going to be the one responsible for anyone’s nightmares.  Unless you’re an ex-boyfriend.  Then look all you want.  Payback’s a you-know-what.

Muahhahahaha!!!!!

Muahhahahahahahaha…

5.  Slow your roll:  Unless, like me, you’re already running somewhere between a turtle and slug pace.  Slow down any more and someone may think you’re in a catatonic state on the side of the road.  Unless you’re said slug sliming your way through peanut butter.  I’m thinking that’s pretty damn slow.

slug2

So that’s the Black Dog’s take on what you can do to make your hot, sweaty, feel-like-you’re-in-the-crater-of-a-volcano summer runs more enjoyable.  I’m not guaranteeing they’re going to work, just thought it was important for me to offer some alternative options.  Let me know if any of them work for you.  Or if I need to get you some Moose Tracks.

Ice cream.  Makes everything better.

Ice cream. Makes everything better.

 Enjoy the ride.

Do you have any other ideas for cool runnings?

My Favorite Things – All In One Book!

Ever find that ONE PERFECT BOOK?  You know the one.  It’s got everything you ever needed all in one title, hidden away in its perfect little pages?  Well, let me tell ya…since summer and reading seem to go together like me and Little Black Dog, or me and Moose Tracks ice cream, or me and…well…um…me and Little Black Dog eating Moose Tracks ice cream, then you know how well summer and reading go together!  That IS where I was heading with this wasn’t it???

Anywho, the point of all this is I want to let you in on a little runner’s secret.  If you’re looking for any info – and I mean ANY info all things related to running at Disney, then you need look no further than here.  Right here.  Really.  RIGHT HERE.

Yeah momma!

Yeah momma!

Authors Krista Albrecht and Megan Biller have taken the time to lead you down the happy, happy path of all you ever needed to know about running a Disney race.  They break down every – and I mean EVERY – aspect of running in the world of the Mouse.  Yes – THAT Mouse!

Mickey_Mouse

From what events are available to how to handle a case of the post-race blues, everything you need to know is conveniently listed and oh-so-easy to find.  And the giant chocolate chip on top?  Both Krista and Megan know what they’re talking about as they’ve run the events themselves!  Not with Ryan though.  I think.  Maybe.

And a copy of The Runners Guide to Walt Disney World!

And a copy of The Runners Guide to Walt Disney World!

Magical Miles-The Runner’s Guide to Walt Disney World has been updated for the 2014 Disney racing season, and you can find all the dates, location of start/finish lines, and available races for each race weekend in easy to follow chapters.  A listing of last year’s host hotels are included as well, (the 2014 host hotels weren’t available when the book went to print).

As there are so many aspects of a race weekend at Walt Disney World, you’re going to need to think about everything from which race will work best for you and your family to what kind of trip do you want to have.  Do you want to just come for the race(s) or make it part of a vacation?  Where do you want to eat?  Do you have dietary restrictions?  Magical Miles has the answers to all these questions and more.

Need some prerace training advice?  Links to Jeff Galloway and Tara Gidus are provided as well as a listing of available resources from a few peeps you might have heard about.  You know  – Bart, Meb, Dean.  Yeah, THOSE guys.

Meb

Run Disney? Aw HECK yeah!!

I don’t want to give too much away about this piece of total awesome-ness, but what I WILL tell you is run and get the book.  (See what I did there? hehehe) You’ll LOVE it!  Promise.  Seriously.  Almost as much as I love a certain Little Black Dog and Moose Tracks.  Almost.

 

Enjoy the ride.

Have you checked out Magical Miles-The Runner’s Guide to Walt Disney World?  Did you find it helpful when planning your Disney racecation?

Summer Is Heating Up In The World

Who’s up for a little trip?

Come see us1

Come see us!

Being a Florida resident, and self-proclaimed lover of heat and humidity, it may seem a bit confusing to you that I stay as far away from Disney World as possible during the summer months.  My inner – and oftentimes not so inner-introvert- just does not do those kind of crowds.

I get that many peeps are subject to summer vacation restrictions, so that’s why they head to the World when they do.  So consider this my community service/good deed for the day and direct you to a couple of “cooler” things to do while battling the masses.

Cool

Aside from running from one air-conditioned attraction to the next, or end up gaining 10 pounds from sucking down every Mickey head ice cream bar in existence, I would highly suggest visiting at least one of the World’s two awesome-sauce water parks.  Up for surfing lessons or feel like body surfing some monster waves?  Then take your sweaty dupa on over to Typhoon Lagoon! Can I get a whoo hoo?!

Anyone else hear Hawaii-Five=O music playing?

Anyone else hear Hawaii-Five-O music playing?

Along with riding some sweet waves, you can hop on a tube and float your way around the lazy river.  Looking for something a little more exciting?  How about a little Humunga Kowabunga or Keelhaul Falls action?  And my personal fave – even though you’ll freeze your dupas off – Shark Reef.  Yup, no typos there.  SHARK reef.  As in big, scary man-eating sharks.  No not really.  Can’t really count on repeat business if the customers become the entrees.  But you CAN pal around with your very own bonnethead and leopard sharks.  In other words, the not so scary kind of sharks.  Honest!

Typhoon Lagoon has a bunchload of other rides, along with shopping, and places to eat.  For a full description of all the awesomeness to be had, just surf on over here.

The other water park option in the World of all things Mouse, is Blizzard Beach.  Dollar Alert: how is it in my now too many trips to WDW to remember, that I’ve never been here?  There has GOT to be something missing from one of my Disney chromosomes.  Think I better get that looked at.  Anyone know a good doctor specializing in Disney Dorkness?  Anyone?  Anyone? Bueller?

Anywho, Blizzard Beach.  Disney’s answer to a ski slope.  Just a little warmer and whole lot more melty.  Yup, melty…

Brrrr! Um, okay, maybe not.

Brrrr! Um, okay, maybe not.

You can get your zippy side happyhappyhappy on any one of BB’s gushy slides from Mount Gushmore to Summit Plummet.  Feeling a little seasick?  No worries!  Just float on over to Cross Country Creek and soak in the chilllaxness. (Watch out, she’s on a roll.)  If it’s a ski-lift feeling you’ve got a hankering for, then hop on the chair lift, which will bring you to the top of the Green Slope.  Where you can then decide if you have cahonies the size of beach balls or lose your lunch once you look down at the drops.  Your choice!

Peaceful. Until you realize certain  death awaits you.  Or just one heckuva of a dupa pucker.

Peaceful. Until you realize certain death awaits you. Or just one heckuva of a dupa pucker.

Whichever water park you decide to grace with your presence, one thing is for sure.  You will have a blast.  Period.  Big one.  Unless you’re allergic to water.  And people.  And fish.  That would really suck.

So grab a bottle of sunscreen and an extra dose of courage and head on over to where all the cool people hang.  See what I did there?  Cool people?  I know, I know.  Sometimes I just can’t stand myself.

Enjoy the ride.

Have you ever visited either of Disney World’s water parks?  Do you have a favorite?