Knobby Knee, I CAN Live Without You

Yes, I have actually named these joints that are slowly but surely driving me insane.

Who needs you anyway?!?

Friggin’ GD things….

It’s starting to feel like I cannot catch a break.  I’ll go days with no to minimal aches or pain, and then I’ll have a day or two where I just feel like plopping myself down on the floor and having me a good old crying jag.  Like today.

Just. Make. It Stop.

Just. Make. It Stop. PLEASE.

Since my schedule has been a bit insane, I’ve been working out at home more.  I’ve been able to get some really good weight and ab work in, but the cardio isn’t quite the same as I can do at the gym.  The Wonder Mutt can give me a pretty good walk around our lake, but I like to shake things up with some bike work as well.  I’ll go between the stationary and recumbent bikes, rotating between low and high resistant runs.  Saturday, I jumped on the stationary and set it for a medium resistance program.  Thirty minutes later, I had worked up a pretty good sweat and felt like I had accomplished a decent calorie burn.  Then…

dun-dun-duuuun

I spent the afternoon walking around at a local flea market.  Twenty minutes in, my right knee was on fire and my right hip was screaming at me.  WHAT. THE. YOU KNOW WHAT.  Now, I’ve pretty much reserved Saturday as my only day to party like a rock star. (Girl’s gotta let loose every so often, right?)  So after a cocktail and a glass of wine, and a begrudgingly taken dose of ibuprofen, the pain had miraculously disappeared.  It’s not exactly my recommendation of a good pain killing method, but hey, it worked!

Good for high cholesterol too!

Good for high cholesterol too!

Fast forward to Sunday.  I worked out at home again and decided to take Wonder Mutt for our usual jaunt around the hood.  Before we even started, the left knee this time – because damn, why should the left one feel left out? – felt bruised, like someone had kicked the crap out of it.  After a couple of Mutt miles, it felt no better.  So now I sit here with an ice pack slowly freezing my skin, on the verge of tears, wondering if I am ever going to get my running mojo back again.  Thankfully, these moments of moroseness haven’t happened often, but it IS like a black cloud I’ve stuffed in the back of my brain, that just keeps threatening to hit me with an unrelenting downpour.  I have yet to actually say it, but here goes…WHAT IF I CAN’T RUN AGAIN?

scared timon

I’m trying to make light of my fear with crazy Timon, but I really AM scared about all of this.  As with many of us, running isn’t just a thing we do to keep in shape.  My ortho asked me if running was a passion of mine.  I almost laughed as I said, “No doc.  It’s an OBSESSION.”  So what do you do when faced with what may or may not be a life-changing condition?

questioning-Person

What do I do???

It’s like a kick in the stomach every time I go to the gym and see people running, lunging, squatting, jumping, and basically doing everything I’ve been told not to for now.  I’ve been really good about following doctor’s orders, doing what I’m supposed to and keeping away from what I’m not.  I guess that’s why I’m so freaked out about why I’m still occasionally having so much pain.  I have another three weeks or so before I go back to the doctor, and I’m slightly terrified as to what he’s going to tell me.  Now I know this condition can be fixed somewhat with surgery, and at this point, as scary as surgery sounds, I don’t think I would completely object to it.  After all, I still have a score to settle after last year’s disastrous Splash and Dash/Wine and Dine Half Marathon.  And I so do NOT want to be dealing with knee pain at the first annual gathering of Team Can-Am, – aka Kellie, Nicole, Lisa, and Rae.  There is just too much shenanigan-making to be done.

shenanigans

So this is my plea to cyberworld:  if you’ve ever found yourself in a position like mine, please feel free to enlighten me as to how you managed to get through it – if you did – and how you managed to not completely lose your mind in the process.  If you did.  If mind-loss is just a mandatory part of it, then at least I’ll know, right?

Girlfriend ain't got no time fo this!

Go away Knobby.  Just GO AWAY.

 

Enjoy the ride.

Have you suffered an injury or condition that prevented you from running for any considerable length of time?  Were you able to get back to it?  How long did it take?  Any advice to keep from going completely out my mind?

Cruella de ITBS

Exactly what I was mumbling under my breath at mile 6.5 of my 11 miler yesterday.  The 11 miler that I couldn’t finish because my f*&^%ing ITBS decided to make an appearance.  A BIG one.  After not making an appearance since this.  9 BLASTED MONTHS AGO.

Donald

There’s something, shall we say – dehumanizing – when you have to admit to yourself that all the stretching, twisting, smacking the side of your knee, swearing, ignoring, and pretending that the pain you’re feeling is all in your head, just isn’t working.  You give in,  admit defeat, and throw in the towel.  And if it wasn’t for the fact that you’re 3 miles from home, don’t have a phone, and pretty much can’t think straight, you would just sit down and cry where you stand.  But you don’t.  You recognize the pain  for what it is.  You cry yourself home, maybe stopping just once to tell your troubles to the friendly neighborhood peacock, who really is more interested in whether or not you have something he can eat.

peacock

Okay, maybe not this guy in particular, but you get my drift.

All kinds of craziness start flying around, filling your head space with everything from, “this is just a temporary setback”, to “why NOW, when I have Wine and Dine in a MONTH?!”, to “I’ll never be able to get through a full marathon when I can’t even get through 7 FREAKIN’ MILES!!!”.  And I can tell you, having all this crap taking up said head space is not a good thing.  But since you have no choice, you put one foot in front of the other and trudge your way home.  And as you round the last corner, you see this guy…

Who loves ya baby?

Who loves ya baby?

…running towards you as fast as he can on his gimpy foot, with the biggest, silliest grin on his face, because he’s just happy that you’re safely home once again.  And as he gets to you, the waterworks go into overdrive.  And he does what he does best – holds you, tells you we will figure out what’s wrong, and either fix it, or chop off your leg.  Okay, maybe not so much that last part.  But he lets you have your pity party, and then makes you move on.  Because that’s what an awesome pit crew chief does.  And we all know there is NO way we can continue to do what we do without them and all of their glorious awesomeness.

MK1

Like so many of my ramblings, they start of with an idea in mind, and so often they end up taking a path of their own.  Such is the fate of my game show dollar machine brain.  This was going to be all about how debilitating ITBS can be to a runner, and a reaching out to see what who’s suffered with it, and how you get/got through it.  But somewhere along the way, the fingers took a 90 degree turn on the keyboard and…well…here we are.

So as I sit here with compression calf sleeves on, and an ice pack on my knee for the second time today, my mind once again wanders.  Will I EVER get past this pain?  It HAS been two BLASTED years now, for crying out loud.  When is enough enough?  Was it too much to attempt after the last distance run being a 10 miler 3 weeks ago?   Is there more I could be doing to prevent it?  Of course there is Black Dog, but have you been DOING IT???  #RUNNERFAIL

I'm an incompetent idiot.

I’m an incompetent idiot.

Maybe we all just need a reality punch up side the head and this is mine.  I’ve been lax on the gym and lax on my therapy exercises.  AND THIS IS WHAT I GET.  So from here on out, it’s game on.  No more giving up the gym for laps in the pool, because that’s not gonna cut it.  No more excuses, no more whining that I’m tired, and no more nonsense.  It’s well past time to GET TO WORK.  AGAIN.  Because THIS girl, needs to get find her mojo again.  Quick.

Ta daaaaaa!

Ta daaaaaa!

Enjoy the ride.

Ever been sidelined by an injury and didn’t know what to do about it?  How long was it before you could run again?  Any words of wisdom?