It’s Been Six Months…

…and I haven’t kicked anybody.  Yet.  I’m actually quite encouraged!

So far, so good.

So far, so good.

Six months ago I decided to bite the bullet and join a gym.  Again.  My history with fitness centers hasn’t always been, shall we say, the most pleasant.  I have an extremely low tolerance for sweat hogs who don’t wipe down machines after generously leaving bodily fluids all over them,  social butterflies who think everyone within a 12 foot radius wants to hear all about what a big, fat jackwad their boyfriend is, and dupa dumpers – the sad, poor souls who come in, dump their dupa on a machine, and proceed to spend more time staring at the ceiling instead of actually DOING something.

Wake the heck up!

WAKE. THE HECK. UP.

I can honestly say that after umpteen visits, the desperate need to just go up and kick somebody in the head – HARD – has only occurred a handful of times.  (I have shown amazing restraint in this area and think my efforts should be handsomely rewarded with a freezerful of Moose Tracks and unlimited margaritas.  Just sayin’).  I’ve actually spent many an amused hour trying not to laugh hysterically at the hormones with feet, (you know, high school kids), trying so hard not check out the girls who have less on than, well, this.

See what I'm saying?

See what I’m saying?

All in all, getting back on the weights has been pretty positive.  I don’t think I’ve lost any weight, but that wasn’t the reason I headed back over to the dark side.  I was long, long, LONG overdue for cross-training and needed to try to find some way to get rid of this blasted ITBS.  I’m still not sure if it’s working, thanks to some delayed knee pain after my 7 miler yesterday, but I’m still hopeful.  Plus I still haven’t given up hope on one day looking like her.

2cf1e-6a0133ecb07c7a970b01543913dd70970c-320wi

Okay, maybe not.

Enjoy the ride.

Do you find yourself wanting to kick someone in the head when you’re at the gym?  Easily irritated by dupa dumpers?  How do YOU deal with it?

Biting the Bullet

If you read my post about my hesitancy about returning to the gym world, then you know how I wasn’t all that thrilled about going back to a texting-loud-cell-phone-talking-refuse-to-share-weights-the-world-revolves-around-me kind of setting again.

With all that in mind, the hubby and I decided to take the plunge and try out this place on Saturday.

Please let this place not be crowded.

Please let this place not be crowded.
(courtesy of You Fit)

Here’s the pros and cons: at 9 o’clock on a Saturday morning the crowd wasn’t bad at all.  By the time we left about and hour or so later, it was starting to fill up with kids. (Note to self: get there early if you don’t want to be overrun by the previous mentioned texting drama-mamas).

The facility itself is huge!  I didn’t count, but there were plenty of arc trainers, dreadmills, and recumbent bikes.  I didn’t see any ellipticals, but the place is so spread out I could have easily missed them.  (Think it was due more to the fact that I was up and actually moving that early on a Saturday morning).

Plenty of paper towels and cleaner were available and joy!  People were actually wiping down the machines after using them! (happy dance, happy dance)

I did a leg workout after warming up on the arc trainer (that is a weird machine but did provide a decent warm up).  I stuck to the machines as I wanted to be able to get the lay of the land while I was lifting.  I noticed at least two of every machine I used, so getting a thorough workout was definitely not a problem.

ufit2

“Do these pants make my butt look awesome?”
(courtesy of You Fit)

We found a spot in the back of the gym where we could stretch, do some ab work, and plank without feeling like everyone was staring at the dupa.  (In case you haven’t noticed, I’m crazy-obsessed with covering all areas south of the waistline.)  While sweating my way through a plank, I looked around and noticed this:

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Hallelujah!

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Do you hear the angels singing??  Are beams of sunshine breaking through the clouds??  Has Publix just put Moose Tracks froyo on sale??  For those of you who may not recognize this contraption, let me just impart some of my happiness on you.  This, my friends, is a gift from the gods.  A gift for those of us who spend thousands on chiropractors and massage therapists every year.  A gift that makes up for beat-up mattresses, sitting at a desk all day, and overdoing deadlifts.  This simple looking apparatus is a back stretching machine aka my personal slice of heaven.  Grab onto the handles, park your hammies on the seat, lean back, and stretch away!  Almost as good as winning a year’s free supply of Oreo Cheesequake Blizzards.  Almost.

Heaven, I'm in heaven...

Heaven, I’m in heaven…

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This is where things got weird.  Gyms exist on their sales, mainly by getting members in the door.  How is it then, that we walked in, signed in, showed the girl at the desk our ID, told her we wanted to try the place out, did just that, and were able to just walk out the door, without ever having been approached by anyone about joining?  Maybe it’s just me, but I thought that was completely weird.  The hubby loved it.  He despises salespeople.

So, after much discussion of the pros and cons, (well, not really), we’ve decided to give it a try.  The best thing is you can join for next to nothing and never have to sign a contract.  Month-to-month is how we roll.  There are those times when a girl just doesn’t want a commitment.  This however, does not apply to Dairy Queen and the aforementioned Blizzards.

Stay tuned for my updates on our escapades back into gym world.  You might find yourself laughing as I describe my adventures in the mecca of people-watching.  Who knows?  You just may recognize yourself one of these days!

Great advice!

Great advice!

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Have a great week!

Enjoy the ride.

Do you find yourself people watching while you’re working out?  What do you see that makes you laugh the most?

To Gym or Not to Gym

Let’s face it.  I’m over the whole gym thing.

grumpy-cat gym

I started going to the gym a couple of decades ago.  I was a faithful worker-outerer to the point that I even got hired at the first gym I ever joined.  That started a semi-daily routine of college, gym, work, gym, shag the dupa out of bed, gym, and on and on and on.  I loved it.  I never got the body I always envied and saw on a daily basis, but I did discover biceps and pecs.

My sentiments exactly.

My sentiments exactly.

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Fast forward a few years and 1300 miles away, and I found myself starting the gym cycle all over again.  Just before moving to Florida, I had joined one of those large franchise gyms.  I was able to transfer the membership to one near my new apartment.  Once again I began the routine of gym, work, gym, sleep, gym, gymgymgymgymgymgym.  There was a different feel to the atmosphere which I chalked up to the fact that most people tend to live in bikinis and spandex in south Florida.  Most of them can.  I am not one of them.

gym3

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Over the next few years I bounced around different gyms, never finding one I REALLY liked.  Then, after moving, I figured I would try out another one of those big chain places, (cue the over dramatic music).  This place would turn me off gyms for life.  Or so I thought.

gym4

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I found I had crash landed on the planet of “I-don’t-really-care-if you’re-here-to-work-out-because-I’m-going-to-plop-my-ass-on-this-bench-with-every-set-of-free-weights-you-need-while-talking-to-my-buddies-and-text-the-entire-graduating-class-and-eventually-maybe-just-possibly-do-a-rep-or-two-but-no-you-can’t-borrow-that-set-of-dumbells.”  Feel my pain??  I put a screeching halt to the” I’m 17 and all of that” minions by simply picking up what I needed, doing what I needed to do and placing them back on the racks where they belonged in the first place.  Do you REALLY want to mess with a chick old enough to be your mother who’s pumping out flyes like nobody’s business?  No, I didn’t think so.

gym5

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I simply do not have the patience for people who refuse to rack their weights, hog the dumbbells, think the machines are places to hold what they believe are earth shattering conversations, walk around screaming into their cell phones and treat saunas like they’re frat parties.  I get it, they’re kids – obviously raised by packs of wild dogs who don’t know the first thing about the ever elusive concept of MANNERS.  However, when repeated complaints by multiple other patrons results in absolutely nothing being done to remedy the situation, I throw in the towel.  Literally.  After finding yet ANOTHER wet, mildewed towel that smelled like it had been fermenting for about a week, I dumped it on the manager’s desk, told them to cancel my membership and never returned again.  Ironically, by the time I got home, the manager had left a message on my machine, apologizing up, down, left and right, stating he would do whatever was necessary to make it right.  Really?  REALLY?!?  NOW you want to address my (and numerous) others concerns?!?

Aaaagggghhhh!!!!!

Aaaagggghhhh!!!!!

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Long story short: I never went back to a gym again.  Until now.  After all this time, and aggravation, you’d think I would have learned my lesson.  Oh contraire mon Frere!

Dollar Alert: Ever wonder what the mothers of wild dogs talk about? 

“Hey Marge, I think your Maxie just got himself stuck by a porcupine again.”

“I told him not to pee on that darn bush!”

So here I am once again pondering the possibility of returning to face my nemesis.  I have found that no matter how much cross training I do in the peaceful confines of my humble abode, it just isn’t enough to combat the evils of my ITBS.  I need to hit the machines again.  I need to work my way up the free weight racks.  I need to be in an environment where the phone isn’t ringing, I’m not tempted by the Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies calling my name from the next room and I’m not getting distracted by the Wonder Mutt giving me her sad come-play-with-me puppy eyes.  It’s time to take on the bratty, ill-mannered gym rats, and once again stake my claim in my little corner of the fitness world.  Who knows?  I may just end up looking like this in a bikini after all…

Abby-wearing-Affitnity-One-Shoulder-Sports-Bra1

Probably not.

Enjoy the ride.

How do you deal with rude people at the gym?