What A Difference A (Few) Days Make

Remember how I was trying not to get too freaked out about this?  Well, a few days of rest, and a few days at the gym, and I think I’m back to where I should be.

Yes! Yesyesyesyesyesyesyes!!!!!

Yes! Yesyesyesyesyesyesyes!!!!!

I’m still giving it another week before I run again, but in the meantime, I’ve been hitting the weights.  HARD.  Like post leg day penguin waddle hard.

leg day waddle

Yep. That’s me.

I even busted out my dinosaur of an indoor bike trainer and cranked out a few miles in my sauna of a garage, while watching the final stage of the Tour de France.  I like to be inspired by all the muscley legs and overpriced fancy wheels.  Unlike this bargain basement beast.

She may be ugly, but I love her.

She may be ugly, but I love her.

I’ve even busted out that byatch of a foam roller at PT Pam’s advice, and as always, ice is my constant companion.  Isn’t it amazing how much better a mindset you can have with just a little bit of reduction in pain?  Even if you’re scaring your mutt with words coming out of your yap that would make a sailor blush in the process?

Excuse me, WHAT did you just say???

Excuse me. WHAT did you just say???

The plan for the next few weeks is to keep working the beejesus out of my legs, get back on the road again, and start building up that mileage.  S-L-O-W-L-Y.  I’ve got 102 days until Wine and Dine so I can’t go TOO slowly, but I’m not going to risk injuring #brokeknee part II before I can get it fixed, hopefully a few days after Wine and Dine.  Maybe by then, I’ll have actually paid off #brokeknee part I.  A girl CAN dream after all….

debt

If I haven’t already bored you to tears with the snail’s pace of my post-surgery shenanigans, hang in there.  I promise to litter my Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram feeds with all kinds of silly, feather-brained, muddle-headed miles.  (I have no idea what muddle-headed even means, but it sounded good.)  And who knows?  Somewhere along the way, I may even find that running doesn’t have to hurt quite so much as it has in the past.  Not really sure what to make of that.  Hmmmm….

hmm

Enjoy the ride.

Have you ever found that a little rest and NOT running actually HELPED your running?  How long before you felt truly comfortable back on the road again?  Have you ever cursed so much you made your critters blush?

Round Two

If you’ve been paying any attention to my little corner of the blogosphere for a while, then you remember how hesitant I was to go back to gym world (here).  Dealing with gym rats who have to scream while dropping their weights on the floor, kids who’d rather take up a bench while texting their buddies instead of actually oh, I don’t know, WORKING OUT, and my all time favorite, inconsiderate you-know-whats who’ve never wiped off a machine in their life, were just a few of the big reasons I wasn’t looking forward to handing over my hard-earned cash and having to deal with that crap.  Again.

Ew.

Ew.

Seeing as I really had no choice though, as I had put myself on a running hiatus in the vain hope of curing my ITBS-that-really-wasn’t-ITBS-after all, back to the gym I went.  And for the most part, I stuck with it.  That’s not to say there weren’t a few times the hubby and I walked in, put in a half hour of cardio, and walked right back out again.  If for no other reason then there were too many friggin’ annoying people in there. Yes, I AM that person.  SO CLEAN YOUR SWEAT OFF THE DAMN BIKE.

gym sweatPost-surgery took more out of me that I had realized, so getting back there – even to do some upper body work – took longer than I would have liked.  Turned out just humping around on crutches and then gimping around in something that might be mistaken for ‘N Sync’s Bye Bye Bye video, would have me making a beeline for my couch and super knee cooler machine at the end of the day.

nsynch

Turns out all I needed was an extra week to get my poop together and a slight change of scenery.  We recently found out our gym had opened up another club considerably closer to our humble abode.  Oh HAPPY DAY.  With barely contained excitement – all right, so maybe it was more like slightly wary trepidation – you know what we did?  (No, BEFORE we hit the celebratory margaritas.)  Off to the new workout digs we go.  And you know what?  It was pretty damn awesome.

shocked

GET. OUT.

It’s amazing what some space, big windows, and fewer members of the younger persuasion can do to one’s fragile workout psyche.  And being the investigator-type that he is, the hubs asked around about the yellinggymrat/benchwarmer/noncleaningsweatycreep population.  We were happy to find that so far – as it is a very new facility – the aforementioned jerks are few and far between.  And the best part?

Yeah buddy!

Yeah buddy!

Sadly, it’s probably going to be at least another month before I can even think about jumping on one of these bad boys.  Especially since there’s this little issue of me not being able to oh….BEND MY FREAKING KNEE. YET.  And as we all know, I am a study in patience.

Yup.

That’s me.

Mother of All Things Patience.

Not. Even. Close.

Not. Even. Close.

But I’m excited anyway.  I hit that treadmill with a vengeance.  Walked a whole mile.  Took me 23 minutes, but I WALKED A WHOLE DAMN MILE PEOPLE.  WITH A GIMPY LEG.  CAN I GET A WHOO HOO?

whoo hoo

Sure….(ahem)……WHOOOO HOOOOO!!!!!!

Stay tuned.  This is gonna get exciting.  Or not.  Probably not.  I like to keep you guessing.

Enjoy the ride.

Has a change of scenery ever improved your workout attitude?  Ever wish you could just drop a dumbbell on somebody’s foot?  Have you ever been THAT person who everyone wants to drop a dumbbell on your foot?  Did it hurt?

Getting It Done – Wherever You May Be

Who ever said you can’t get as good a workout at home as you can at the gym must have been overdosed on endorphins.

funny-puppy-gym-weights

Due to my schedule lately, it’s just been easier to work out at home.  Legs of course, are a bit of a challenge because – OH YEAH – I can’t BEND my knees.  (Ever notice how much of your day is spent with bent knees when you’re NOT supposed to?)  But I muddle through with the therapy exercises The Man gave me, and the hubby even went and picked me up a set of dumbbells.  Combined with this great little tiki bar I know, I’ve got all the makings of a great at-home gym.  Heck, I even have a little local college inspiration!

Don't you have ducks and dog dishes at your gym too?

Don’t you have ducks and dog dishes at your gym too?

2015 is my year of NO EXCUSES and I think I’m off to a pretty good start with this lovely, little, sweat-inducing brain child.  Have I mentioned the other gym members are pretty good at providing any required assistance at any given moment?  Or at least when not terrorizing the neighborhood feather gang or chasing tennis balls.

I got ya Mom.  I got ya.

I got ya Mom. I got ya.

Of course, as helpful as Wonder Mutt may be, it often leads to extended workout time as her idea of fitness is plopping all 53 pounds of her on top of me – as added ab resistance, I’m sure – and using as much force as possible to shove that cold, wet nose under my arms as I’m trying to plank.  I do have to give her credit though, as maintaining balance while being Labrattacked can become quite an adventure.  If I don’t come out of this in a few months with washboard abs and superior balancing ability, it certainly won’t be because of the Wonder Mutt Workout.

Let's go lady!  Squeeze those abs!

Let’s go lady! Squeeze those abs!

So if you’re having a bit of a hard time getting to the sweat store, and feel those pants starting to tighten up a bit, let me make a recommendation.  Grab yourself a mat, a couple sets of dumbbells and resistance bands, dust off that pain-in-the-ass (literally) foam roller, and just start MOVING.  If it takes a little bit longer than you’d like due to (ahem) furry interference (ahem), then just accept the kind offer and move on.  You have my permission to fib a little to your significant other that the additional doggy drool on your face actually IS sweat.  I won’t tell anyone.  Promise.

Not Wonder Mutt, but I'm sure it's just a matter of time....

Not Wonder Mutt, but I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before this ends up on my face….

 

Enjoy the ride.

Do you work out at home or a gym?  Do you feel like you get a better workout at one versus the other?  Does your mutt like to actively participate in your exercise regimen?  Do you think perhaps doggy drool may acutally be good for your complexion?

Progress. I Think.

Ten months in the gym and I haven’t smacked anyone yet.  Now that’s what I call progress!Gym Bitch

Okay well, there IS that.  But other than annoying non-weight rackers, the weird-distracting-arm-circles-while-on-the-bike-guy, stinky chic, and the insufferable WHY CAN’T YOU JUST WIPE OFF THE FREAKIN’ MACHINE WHEN YOU’RE DONE SWEATING ALL OVER KINGDOM COME people, my return to gymdom has actually been pretty enjoyable.  Now that’s not to say I haven’t had some downer moments, especially lately, but I’m doing my best to keep a good attitude.  After all, at least I still CAN work out.  Just like this guy.

funny-puppy-gym-weights

Yes, fuzzy butt. I do.

Ever notice how much time you spend bending your knees, especially when you can’t?  Per doctor’s orders, no bending the patellas more than 90 degrees, and especially, no more than 30 degrees when doing leg extensions.  Talk about actually having to pay attention to what you’re doing.  And if you know me at all, then you know my attention span doesn’t exactly fall in the spectacular department.  But as long as I can still work up a sweat and feel like I’m accomplishing SOMETHING, then I’m happy with that.  Accomplish that something without actually dropping a weight on an irritating, self-absorbed gym rat? Now that’s what I call a WIN.

Victory-is-mine-294x300

And really.  Who can be irritated when after more than FOUR YEARS, the hubby has been able to consistently run WITHOUT FOOT PAIN?  Yes, that’s right, NO FOOT PAIN.  Let me say it again in case you didn’t get it the first ten times – NO FOOT PAIN!  Seriously peoples, you have no idea how big a marvelous, stupendous, spectacular deal that is.  Even the achy legs he has after running outside yesterday is worth every bit of lactic acid buildup.  (Between you and me, I think it may have had something to do with the fancy new shoes he got on sale at Shoebuy for $75.)

Ed's Brooks

Ooooooooh, pretty.

Did I mention I spent half an hour on the phone the other day with The Man’s nurse?  Let me tell ya, that woman is a plethora of all things knee knowledge.  She spent all that time explaining to me why we’re traversing the road of conservatism with my knees.  In a nutshell, I need to alleviate the inflammation.  Then – and stick with me here a minute – I need to actually INFLAME them all over again, but at a more “manageable” level.  Remember I told you the back of my patellas were all chewed up and ripping up the cartilage behind them?  Well, I actually need to let them do that.  Why in the name of all that is ibuprofen, do you need to DO that Black Dog, you may ask?  Because.  If I let my body “plane out” the cartilage/patella naturally – instead of surgically – then it will do that to the specific angles that it needs, whereas a surgeon might not be able to do so.  Basically, surgery would be a best guess scenario versus Mother Nature knows what she’s doing kind of deal.

Yeah I got this.  And this lynx too.

Yeah I got this. And this lynx too.

Patience is called for in this scenario.  E-GADS.  I’m more of an immediate gratification kind of gal.  (That’s why I can almost get on board with Amazon Prime’s two-day shipping.  Almost.)  I need these knees to be fixed YESTERDAY.  Hear that, Mama of All Things Wise and Furry?  YES-TER-DAY.  I promise not to over-water the plants, under-water the flowers, or stomp out any bugs.  Except the roaches.  All bets are off with those nasty, nuclear-holocaust-surviving-creepers-of-ick.  Just get these suckers better.  Fast.  And feel free to take out a few of these ick monsters along the way.

Not a chance scumhead.

Not a chance scumhead.

So if patience is what I need to have, then patient I will be.  I almost sound like I mean that, don’t I?  In the meantime, please feel free to keep me distracted/entertained/pinned down and beaten until the parts have decided to forgive me for years of punishment.  After all, what does one do once one has healed but start the beat-down all over again?  Hmmm, sounds curiously like the definition of runner…

 

Enjoy the ride.

Ever find being patient more difficult than long runs or speed work?  Are you a killer of all things green?  When is the last time you felt the urge to throw a dumb bell at someone?

A New Day

Yup.  Totally going there…

feel fat

Love the plan.  In theory.  Realistically, probably won’t quite cut the mustard.

With my new Man-imposed running hiatus, I have to pay attention now more than ever to what I’m shoveling down my yap.  I tend to start pushing maximum capacity when I’m not running.  So together with my partners in crime: Rae – who, coincidentally, joined the ranks of the married peoples this weekend (yippee!!!!), Princess Lisa, Nicole, and Kellie – we are TAKING CHARGE of our fat cells.  Or at least that’s what we’re telling them.  Stubborn little buggers.

fat_cells

What? You want us to go away? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

So it’s a new day in the Black Dog House.  The days of chowing down on everything in sight because I would just run it off anyway are long gone.  No more double scoops of Moose Tracks, one more mini peanut butter cup, overindulging in cupcakes, or second glasses of wine.  Did I mention these are on the no-fly list too?

Evil little sugar and calorie laden bastard....

Evil little sugar and calorie laden bastard….

Kill. Me. Now.

BUT, this is a necessary step in the evolutionary process that is my fitness journey.  Don’t get me wrong, I can work up a pretty good sweatfest on a bike or power walk with the best of them.  Maybe not quite Leo style, but I can wear out the Wonder Mutt after about a mile or so.  However, let’s not kid ourselves – nothing works quite as magically in the battle of the bulge as running does.  At least not for these stubborn, fat-loving genes.

So back to the Weight Watchers way of life and Monday morning weigh-ins.  I figure that’s the best way to keep you on the straight and narrow during the weekend.  Except when the hubby says, “let’s make pizza on the Big Green Egg this weekend.”  Who can say no to beautiful creations like this?

BGE pizza1

We. Are All. That Is Pizza.

(Heavy sigh)

So as I sit here daydreaming about the amazing grilled wonder of delight we had for lunch today, and scarf down a bowl of Moose Tracks laced with birthday/wedding/Half Marathon PR/Decorated Christmas Tree cupcakes – because what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t virtually celebrate these momentous occasions – I have to formulate a game plan.  So here it is:

1. Eat less crap.

Yeah.  That’s pretty much it.  I can probably stand to get the dupa to the gym more as well.  I just don’t want to go there too much.  I go too often, I inevitably end up getting annoyed with someone, and my little hour of sweaty, heart-pumping bliss becomes a hellacious nightmare of barely controlled insanity.  Due to the likes of the guy who insists on doing arm circles on the recumbent bike next to me and barely missing taking out the left side of my skull, or the woman who REALLY needs to try a stronger deodorant.  REALLY.

So if there’s any magical weight-loss/smaller-jean-size pixie dust out there in the great void, please feel free to float this way.  Or north.  Way, way, WAY north.  Anywhere between the east coast and the frozen Canadian Tundra will work.  Thanks.  Appreciate it.

pixie dust

 

Enjoy the ride.

Anyone taking on a new eating challenge?  Do you find the irony in the timing of me trying not to eat all the crap at this particular time of year?  How do you keep your weight under control if you can’t run?  Do you think the fact that Moose Tracks is the world’s most perfect ice cream is a conspiracy?

The Journey Back to the Pavement

It’s been two months since I started going to this place.

Here we go...again.

Here we go…again.

Remember how I said I was less than thrilled about going down this road again?  I can honestly tell you that after the last few months, I’m definitely…..well…..hmmm…..kinda sorta liking it.  And kinda sorta not.  Here’s why…

gym stuff

 

Let me run this malarky-ness by you so you get where I’m coming from.

1.  Crowded:  I get the place is going to be like a zoo at 5 o’clock at night.  I even managed to change my work schedule a bit so I could get out a little earlier and miss at least some of the shenanigans.  I was pretty hopeful that first Monday when I got there at five and found it wasn’t too bad.  Silly me didn’t realize it was vacation week and the typical teenage circus had already hit the let-me-see-how-awesomely-I-can-flex-and-play-on-my-phone-at-the-same-time circuit.  Silly adult who just wants to get in, work out, and get out.  Free weights are for stepping on, not bicep exercises.  Of course it would help considerably if they weren’t all crammed in one corner of this huge space.  Hmmm, I wonder if a fabulous interior decorator might come in handy here?

fab cat

 

2. Lazy members: three words – wipes and cleaner.  Seriously, it’s RIGHT THERE.  Use it.

WIPE. IT. OFF.

WIPE. IT. OFF.

3. Flocks of kids: Disclaimer – they don’t ALL annoy me.  Just the ones who spend more time looking around to see who is there, the ones constantly on their phones while sitting on a machine, and especially the ones who can’t take their eyes off themselves in the mirrors.  Scratch that.  I love those kids.  They make me laugh.  Hard.

Who's your daddy?

Who loves ya?

4. Machine dust imitators: You know who they are. They plop down on a bike, turn on the attached tv, and pedal.  Well, maybe.  Not quite sure what’s being attempted there, but I have to give them credit for getting off the couch. At least their primary one.

zzzz....zzzz....zzzz

zzzz….zzzz….zzzz

5. Cranky employees:  Let me be  abundantly clear – I’m not expecting balloons and roses, but would a simple hello be too much to ask?  Or does sticking your hand out for my card just take every ounce of energy you’ve got?  Might I suggest some facial exercises to loosen up those smile muscles.

Whatever it is...no.

I. Don’t. Care.

All this aside, I am actually enjoying returning to the world of muscle-bound freaks, cardio queens, and yes, even the phone obsessed kiddies.  Well, maybe not the last group so much, but at least they’re not out smoking pot or plopped on their dupas playing video games.  I know my strength has increased but unfortunately it feels like my appetite – and pant size – has as well.  I’m refusing to step on a scale anytime soon as I don’t want to get all caught up in a stupid number.  That’s not what I am and I refuse to go down that path again.  I have yet to “call it in” and I go cahonies to the wall on each and every workout.  Why bother spending the money and the time if I’m just going to waste it?  I have a singular purpose in mind, (for now anyway) and plan on seeing it through to the end.  And in order to get there, I better keep getting this dupa to the gym.  Teenagers, dust imitators, and all.

Whatcha gonna do?

Whatcha gonna do?

 

Enjoy the ride.

What irritates you the most when you’re trying to get through a workout at the gym?

Let’s Get This Party Started

This is really just a lame attempt at trying to get myself psyched up for another dreaded Monday….

Monday humor(source)

I am happy to report that after the hubby and I decided to rejoin the gym world, my first workout was a really good one.  Since the hubby is still making inhuman noises in his sleep thanks to his cold, he begged off for a few more days, so I flew solo for a leg workout.  I’m at T-minus 59 days until I can run again, and plan on making sure I don’t have a repeat performance of the dreaded ITBS like back at the Donald Half in January.

Run away ITBS, run away!

Run away ITBS, run away!

I have to admit it felt SO good beat up the gams again!  Following a 20-minute interval warm-up on the ARC machine, I proceeded to squat, extend, raise, abduct, and adduct my way into lactic acid heaven.

PicMonkey Collage

Needless to say, I’m walking a little funny today, but it was oh-so worth it.

As a proud member of Team #RunDisney, part of this month’s Photo-A-Day-Challenge, was to submit your goals.  This is what I came up with:

March Goals

I think after sweating up a storm by adding in bodyweight exercises in between each set of machines, I hit at least part of #1 and #2 with no trouble whatsoever.  I even did pretty well with the cleaner eating.  (Right up until the scoop of vanilla ice cream with Thin Mints added to look like Mickey Mouse just before hitting the hay…heavy sigh…)

After the how-much-more-can-the-legs-actually-do-beatdown, I was ready to chow down on some kale salad and hit the couch at my favorite bar – conveniently located on my back patio -with this girl.

Soooo tired....

Soooo tired….

Six bottles of Propel, what felt like three pounds of shrimp and pasta salad, and eight episodes of Game of Thrones later, the Wonder Mutt and I were ready to call it a day.  Curse you On Demand TV!

Enjoy the ride.

What goals have you set for yourself this month?