We now return to our regularly scheduled program……
On the last installment of Black Dog Freaks Out (here!), we left as I was about to start raking my nails down a chalkboard if it was only to get someone to notice I had been sitting in the outpatient surgery waiting room for OVER AN HOUR. Me. Over an hour. In a hospital. Patient I am not…
After robbing me blind and not even saying thank you – amazing how quick they are to take your money, isn’t it? – I was FINALLY called into pre-op. And given THESE oh-so-fashionable garments to change into.
Being the impatient guy that he is, the hubby decided to do some pre-op recon. And came back with the bad news. I was number 8 of 12 surgeries The Man Part 2 had scheduled for the day. Eight. EIGHT. (No wonder these guys are rolling in dough.) That place was a darn processing plant – get’em in, get’em out. I had expected I wasn’t going to be back home any time soon, and I have to say that once things really got going – chat with the anesthesia doc, start getting goofy on the meds my pre-op nurse gave me, and, oh yeah, having to listen to the lady in the next curtain puking her guts up – yeah, THAT was pleasant – it didn’t take long to get the party started. And to accompany me on my trip into La La Land, an NCIS marathon. Score!
And what pre-op festivities are ever complete without the requisite stupid hat photo-op?
Then again, we started getting all kinds of crazy when Nurse Claire turned up the happy juice. You know what I’m talking about. The stuff that makes you all loopy. The best part was I could feel it hit my system, and as it did, I started comparing it to shots of tequila. And providing said tequila narrative to the hubby. Who apparently thought it was absolutely hilarious. So much so that he recorded it on my phone. Which shall never be aired on Black Dog Airwaves. Ever. EVER. You’ll just have to live with a live action shot of the happy juice.
Since I know you’re all at the edge of your seats, like all good authors, I’m going to leave you there. Yes, my sick, evil, twisted brain is going to keep you guessing until next week as to what happened next. SPOILER ALERT: Girlfriend made it out alive. But you know that. Obviously. Because my readers are THAT smart. And have great blog taste. And that’s why we love you.
Make sure you tune in next week for the final installment of “Black Dog’s Surgery Room Shenanigans”!
Enjoy the ride.
Did you ever think I could make the interminable wait of pre-op so entertaining? Have you ever partook of pre-surgery cocktails? Were they top-shelf?