It’s Only Weird If It Doesn’t Work

Okay, show of hands.  Who’s seen this one?


Yes. Yes it is.

Admit it.  We all have weird crap we do in a cosmic, karmic effort to help our teams win.  In this house we have a multitude of practices, including, but limited to:

-chewing on pendants

-turning visors backwards and upside down

-clutching pillows

-throwing away said pillow if it doesn’t work

-rubbing challenge coins

-chewing on said challenge coins

-hugging legs to chest

-shaking the crap out of favorite team’s doll with removable limbs

-tossing said doll at television if team throws an interception

-holding hands so tight digital damage is incurred (may or may not result in trip to ER. AFTER game is over.)

-rubbing nose 3 times, pulling twice on right earlobe, grasping left ankle and hopping 5 times in a counter-clockwise circle while chanting in Swahili


“Mama-ko, mama-sa, ma-ka-ma-ko-ssa.”

What is it about our love for sports that turns us into rabid, hot-tempered, no-holds-barred, I’m-gonna-kick-your-ass-all-the-way-back-Philly maniacs?  I place complete blame for my sports insanity on older brothers and a husband who’s just as much of a sports freak as I am.  Even if part of his loyalty is COMPLETELY misplaced.

To each his own.  Even if his own is, well, you know.  THAT.

To each his own. Even if his own is, well, you know. THEM.

Growing up in a properly sports educated environment-

Wicked awesome!

Wicked awesome!


Bad. Ass.

Bad. Ass.

I was taught at an early age to respect people’s team choices. (Except, of course, when it comes to baseball and football).  However, I also learned the fine art of a properly timed zinger, how to properly deliver said properly timed zinger, and when, in the spirit of sportsmanship, to walk away from what could end up being an inconveniently timed trip to above mentioned emergency department, (i.e., NEVER before halfway through the fourth quarter, the bottom of the ninth, the last 2 minutes of the third period, or if it’s the Heat, and it’s the playoffs, before the last second of the last overtime).

Jesus Shuttlesworth in the clutch.

Jesus Shuttlesworth in the clutch.

That’s not to say I’m very good at the timing, but once in a while – okay a REALLY great while – I am SPOT ON with my digs.  And I ROCK IT.

I love good-natured ribbing, and as a faithful Red Sox fan since the time Mom popped me out into the world, I’ve been on the receiving end of it PLENTY of times.  And it’s all good, especially when it’s all done in fun.  But we’ve probably all seen when schmucks – usually drunk schmucks – take it too far.

Putz times two.

Putz. Times two.

It’s all well and good to be a rabid supporter of your favorite team(s).  Just remember – in the end, it’s all just a game.  The outcome won’t affect the world on its axis, won’t change where the sun rises and sets, and probably will be forgotten a year later.  Unless it’s the Red Sox breaking that goddamn curse and winning the World Series.  That will NEVER be forgotten.

Restrain yourself Kellie.

Restrain yourself Kellie.

Enjoy the ride.

Would you consider yourself to be a rabid sports fan?  Have you ever gotten into a pissing contest with a rival fan?  Who won?  Did it include a trip to the emergency room?

13 thoughts on “It’s Only Weird If It Doesn’t Work

  1. I knew I liked you. Redsox Fan up in here!!!! And a rabid UCONN Husky fan. Come on. 1990 UCONN vs Clemson. 1 second left. Burrell to Tate George—He Shoots! He scores!!!!!—-from back in The Day?!?! It was the shot that started it all! Love it. I have never wound up in an ER, unless you count that time I wrecked my face after biting it at mile 16 of my last long run before the VT Marathon. But I digress…

    Love the passion!!!

      • HOW AWESOME WAS THAT?!?!? I bleed BLUE, Baby! Fantastic!

        Oh. And about my face. You need to read my post. It’s all documented The title is something like: I’ll take 3 stitches, Dermabond and a big fat shiner for $400, Alex. It happened in May. It was EPIC. I see a plastic surgeon in a few months. Shit. Show.

  2. Remember, there never was a curse…your team just SUCKED for 86 years! 🙂 (sorry, had to).

    I still don’t understand how a Giants fan (raised right) could have such poor taste in baseball and basketball teams! Oh well, no one’s perfect. I really should just stay away from posts like this because I am one of those rabid sports fans…on the plus side, I LOVED those commercials, because it’s true! Go Giants!

    • I know you did, it’s okay as long as you still love me. You know, like an achy calf muscle, lol! As for the Heat, it’s like you and Strahan. You meet them in person and realize how sweet and funny and NORMAL they can be. How do you NOT love that? XOXO

  3. Go NY Giants!! I grew up a Broncos fan….cuz you know, they’re the local team in Utah too. But my hubby got me hooked on the NY Giants when the season they won the Superbowl…the day he got to Iraq. Now with both Manning brothers on my favorite teams I’m loving football season.

  4. Ohhhh ho ho ho VERY rabid. And yes I’ve definitely gotten in pissing contests especially during Ravens vs. Steelers games or anything involving those dreaded Yankees. Right now I’m in total sports overload with baseball and football on at the same time. I just can’t handle it.

    GO ORIOLES AND GO RAVENS!!!! (It feels REALLY good to say “Go Orioles” after nearly 2 decades of consistently losing everything.)

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